now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she told me i tasted like america
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
