Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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