i would punch a child for taco bell
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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