My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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