If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
