She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
