I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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