I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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