youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is my gift to your gina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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