The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
