I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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