I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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