Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
