Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
bring money and cleavage
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
