I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
