Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
