i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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