Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
