I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
