I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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