he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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