Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize