do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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