I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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