Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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