Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
