she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
