i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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