i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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