Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
