U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
