meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
