So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
