Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
