it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize