I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
