Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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