Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
