I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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