so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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