he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
