I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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