Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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