we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize