ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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