Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
