Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
