They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
