just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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