i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
