there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
