i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
