why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm always down for nudity.
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