Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
