chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
