Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
