Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
