that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
