You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
