you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
